Esquire Theme by Matthew Buchanan
Social icons by Tim van Damme



boats-against-the--current said: What's the matter?

Just doubting everything that I am doing.


I am in a really bad place right now.


Save me.



Hello, we are human.

I realized we as humans try to pretend we are above nature.

What do I mean by that?

I mean that we sometimes throw away our thoughts and pretend they never exist. We have an idea, a doubt, a worry…but we try to shove it all away.

So how does that exactly mean we pretend we are above nature?

Simple— by not facing your doubts and desires you pretend that you don’t have them…making you NOT NORMAL and not a HUMAN BEING.

Did I just make a statement that was unclear? Maybe. Maybe not.

Was it drastic? possibly

But part of being human is addressing your ideas and thoughts. Your worries and doubts. Your fears and your dreams. 

Sometimes you will think such CRAZY thoughts and have terrible doubts. But you know what? It is O-K.  

Instead of PUSHING thoughts AWAY..embrace them! How? Simple- think about WHY you are having those thoughts. Think them over. 

And EMBRACE the fact that you are a thinking individual !!!!



Anonymous said: Hi!how are you,hope you're doing well,you sure look like you have been. Anyways I'm in need of advice about converting. I made what I think will be a mistake of having an orthodox rabbi be my sponsoring rabbi but I'm rethinking the decision. Any advice for telling him this or potentially working things out?

hello, sorry for the late response, i have not been on for a while ! 

Can i get a little bit more background info and details on the situation?



smiles :)

Day 5!

As i am typing this i am eating a hearty hearty hearty yummy yummy yummy soup!!!! filling and delicious- shabbos left overs! beef, potatoes, green beans, corn, tomatoes…when i said hearty.. i meant it. SO WHAT IF THERE ARE POTATOES.SO WHAT IF THERE IS CORN. MMM MMM MMM. a meal in a soup. i am writing this.. it hurts to type.

Instead of waking up at 7 and working out.. i decided to see what my first day of work was going to be like and didnt want to be exhausted on the first day.. so i worked out at 5:35 pm and did a pure strength class at the gym… that was a killer and really worked on every part of my body. it was AMAZING…

then.. i did a cardio blast class for 45 minutes …which also included strength training…

so my arms are sore. i never get sore. this is nice.

i know i shouldnt have over worked myself today but it is so hard not to when u are in the “everybody is working out and having fun” atmosphere. I am glad i got a membership to xsport- so many frum jews there so it doesn’t feel weird working out in a skirt.

then after i did ab workouts..


but right after getting out of the gym..all sweaty and red. i looked at the mirror in my car and said “RACHEL YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL.RACHEL YOU ARE PRETTY. RACHEL YOU HAVE A NICE BODY. RACHEL ONLY NOTICE THE GOOD”

tomorrow will be a long day. woooh.

Thank God he is amazing with kids and loves them so much!!

Sunday fun day with my friend yesterday!
I bought scarves and experimented!!

Day 2,3,4 update!!!

Okay so saturday night I had my first kallah class and I wasn’t able to go to the gym

Sunday I was going to workout…but had a lot of fun with a friend..

Now today! The fourth day of my challenge.. I exercised for only 30 min but it was great.. I had a long day today.
Had an interview for a job,got an emission test for my car, worked on some wedding stuff, babysat, then worked out, then showered in like two min like superwoman (prob conserved some water) and then babysat again!!

Started reading my personal trainer book.. first step to getting certified!!!

Tomorrow I start my first day as being a personal assistant to a pretty rich family in the jewish community (nursing homes)..
Pretty nervous..I hate driving somebody else’s fancy car…

I was supposed to have a relaxing summer with no work.. but that didnt really work out..because I had an offer and I took it because money is money.. am I wrong?maybe! My fiance is upset with me because he wanted me to relax for once..but I know I need structure in my day.. so if I have a job I can schedule things better and not be a lazy bum!!

I have work some days from 11-5pm and some from 10-5pm so in the morning my goal is to get up at 7 am and go to the gym !!!!:)
I’ll let you know how it goes!!



Day 1!

Worked out today for 45 min and told myself I was beautiful in the mirror! Woooh!! Good shabbos everybody!!

Because sometimes selfies are necessary ;)

Because sometimes selfies are necessary ;)


my wedding is September 14th, GOD WILLING (because his parents are trying to push it off again).

I really need to work on some things

One of which being working on my self esteem- i tend to not love myself as much as I should and i can tell because i get jealous of other girls easily. I always think everybody else is prettier than me and i project those feelings unto my fiance and it is not good.

I need to love my body.

I know that I might not lose 30 pounds, but i can try to lose around 10-15 lbs by continuing to eat healthy but having smaller portions and really working on being more active..lately i have been SOO STRESSED and have had so much going on that i was too tired to workout, so i need to motivate myself to do up to an hour workout a day.

BUT i cannot all of a sudden change my self esteem with just eating healthy and exercise..but this all has to be in addition to me telling myself im beautiful every day. my fiance told me to look at myself in the mirror every day and tell myself that im beautiful.

it pains him that when he tells me im beautiful i dont believe him.

i hope i can do this :) i hope i wont be terrible with tumblr and actually jot down my progress .

personal note over.



A poem

i know times may be rough

but you’re always in my heart
i know times may be rough
but i know life without you isn’t enough
through deep waters we trudge
fighting, but never holding a grudge
life is deeper than we realize
and sometimes we can’t see it with our human eyes
but God has a plan for us
but our true desires must never be at a loss
doubts and fears devour us
pain and anger fill us
but what do our hearts want?
we should not let troubles taint and hunt
this journey was started for a reason
the goal will come when it is the season
- by yours truly